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Sep 05 2013

Constipation Begone! A Natural Remedy For When You Can’t Crap

consti[ation
PHOTO BY Alexander Ekman


By Jamie Weiss, Buzzworthy Blogs

I just turned 37. I know I am getting old now, not because of my age but because the best gift I got this year was a “Squatty Potty.” A what? I know what you’re thinking but this isn’t a gimmick. This is a completely logical and natural remedy for constipation. And if what you are seeking is constipation relief, then read on because this has the power to change your poop for good.

The truth is I am not a patient person when it comes to pooping, and I have always been mildly fascinated by people who spend 20 minutes on the shitter, wondering what the hell they are doing in there! When I poop it’s over in a matter of minutes, two at the most. Unless of course I just can’t poop at all. In which case I suffer for a while, giving it my best effort, and then just call it “constipation quits.” Those days are miserable; I feel so bloated that I refuse to eat simply because I don’t want to keep putting food in when nothing is coming out.

When it’s really bad, three to four days go by until finally I squeak out some poop. And let’s not forget the pain and suffering involved with straining and pushing. Yet despite the hopeful urge, my trips to the bathroom deposit nothing more than what looks like a small handful of Raisinettes into the bowl! After a while when I’m worn down and the desire to poop is too intense, I put some extra time and muscle into it. I toss back extra liters of water, throw some MiraLAX into the mix, rev up my Magnesium intake to eight 500mg capsules a day, and go for a long run.

Truth is, sometimes my bowels just won’t budge. This last bout left me with bulging hemorrhoids, bloody stools, and the need for daily Prep-H suppositories. I know TMI. But if you’re still reading this you know exactly what I’m talking about.

So you can imagine my surprise when my friend told me to close my eyes and placed a big box on my lap for my birthday. When she asked, “Do you have any idea what it is?” I can assure you I did not. It was my very own Squatty Potty. I was so excited to get home and assemble the damn thing that it was kind of ridiculous.

The apparatus is basically a platform that you place a few inches in front of your toilet whereupon you rest your feet while you sit down on the porcelain throne. The nice thing about the Squatty Potty is it’s designed to fit around your toilet; so when it’s not in use it’s out of the way.

By bringing your feet higher and closer to your butt, you assume a “squat-like” position. This position actually changes the spacial relationship of your intestinal organs and musculature, optimizing the forces involved in defecation.

And now I have my own. Almost instantly my constipation was relieved. After each great release I thought, “Maybe it’s just a coincidence—we’ll see how the next one goes.” But effortless poop after effortless poop, I finally had to accept that squatting like millions of people still do in most of the third world today, has major benefits. One of them is constipation relief. I thought of my trips to Southeast Asia where all of the toilets are nothing more than ceramic holes in the ground with foot markers on either side for you to place your feet. Squatting was the only option and in fact 1.2 BILLION people still squat today because they don’t have toilets. Not only that but there is now tons of research to support that squat-pooping is actually beneficial to your health! But don’t take my word for it. Be your own judge. I mean after all, what do you have to lose besides your hemorrhoids… Just Saying.

Signed yours truly,

Poop Perfectionist

Jamie Weiss is the Chief Operating Officer at HoneyColony.

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amyi - 434 BeeBucks

 

I can totally see why this would work. I used to put a step stool in front of the toilet for my son, who had chronic constipation.

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