Own The Life You Want
What is needed for maintaining healthy relationships?
“Truly, we can’t say thank you enough for the millions of ways that we have to show up for each other to keep love going…”
And so, on Valentine’s Day, we are often forced to encounter all that remains unsaid, and all the ways that we isolate ourselves from the people we profess to love the most.
Bottom line- nothing unsaid goes away or disappears from the equation of your love. Instead, it seeps into the foundation of your connection, shape shifting into a distorted version of the love you began with. Only the courageous act of speaking our hearts and perhaps, the even more courageous act of listening without reacting- has the power to maintain our ever vulnerable bonds.
I have suffered for many a Valentine’s Day, not to mention birthdays and Christmas, with the stubborn idea that my husband should know what I want. I naively, and stubbornly, thought that asking for what I wanted somehow diminished the offering, the spoken word, or gift. The fantasy that our partner should or would know what would make us happy keeps us from happiness. And yet, we remain dedicated to this common form of healthy relationships suicide, rather than taking the responsibility of saying what we want.
Sure, there are times that even when I speak up I don’t get exactly the relationship I believe that I want or deserve, but at least it is not for lack of clarity. It’s due to an issue I can hopefully come to pinpoint and work on.
The Love That YOU Want
And this brings me to the final nail in the coffin that we willingly pound into our beloved healthy relationships- The idea that we get the love that we want, the way we want it, when we want it. Only the smallest of lucky children get this kind of love, although even recently I was doubting my 30-year marriage over the disparity of my idea of my marriage and its reality. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that my desires were wrong or even inappropriate, it’s that ultimately it doesn’t matter. Whether we walk down the aisle or sign a lease with someone, we are often without our own recognition agreeing to love those people as they are, in the way that they can love us back. Mind you, this is 30-some years later and I still find myself slipping into a place where the love I have is not good enough.
Healthy Relationships: How To Maintain Love When It’s Hard
The antidote is not a correction in my relationship- so much as it is a willingness to live in the relationship that I have. It is solely my perspective that makes my relationship worthy, and believe me, there are days and sometimes unfortunate weeks that I cannot find the way there. I have told you of my no-fail mind shifts before, but in the spirit of Valentines Day– here they are one more time…
- Imagine, in full detail, life without your loved one… the horrid call that life with them has ended due to some unthinkable accident. Experience the broken-heartedness of them suddenly gone and then ask yourself- really how bad is it?
- Hold what you love most about your partner in one hand, next to what is most challenging in the other… What is the true balance of your relationship?
Love is the hardest work we do in a lifetime and also offers us the most gentle teaching and deepest evolution we can hope for. Here’s to your imperfect, perfect love….
Submit your story or essay to Buzzworthy Blogs.